I was hoping for a better day today with the hope that Heather may actually wake up and she nearly did.
Just after I arrived this morning, the physio came in and turned Heather to make sure she doesn't get bed sores and to move her arms and legs so they don't become stiff when she comes to use them for the first time.
She almost came round at 10:45am, but she started to struggle with the tube that's currently down her throat helping her to breathe and it became necessary to sedate her again. Damn!
It was at 11am that I spoke to a consultant for the first time in a few days. It was during this discussion that I heard some bad news. Along with everything else that's wrong with her, Heather has a heart problem. Something to do with the left ventricle. Now, this problem can't be rectified, but the symptoms can be controlled by drugs which she'll have to take for the rest of her life. It was then that my Mum noticed me going white and came over to see if I was OK.
I wasn't and broke down in floods of tears. Hasn't Heather had enough to go through lately without this as well?
This news left me in bad shape for the remainder of the day.
At 1:50pm, the nurse of duty asked me if I'd had lunch (which I hadn't), so I went out and ate some food that my brother had bought. It was during lunch that Heather's Mum came in and we explained the situation to her before she made her way to ITU to be with her eldest daughter.
During my break, I went outside to get some fresh air. This morning, I was absolutely knackered and kept dropping off. It was so hard trying to retain information and answering everyone's questions. I then had to make the decision to cancel the cruise we had planned and paid for in July. The cruise company say that they are only going to reimburse me 50% of the trip. I don't think that's right, according to the research I did last night on their website and I'll be telling them so shortly. Thankfully, I have a particular account at my bank that comes with free travel insurance as part of the £12 per month I pay them. Having read the small print, I should be able to claim back anything that the cruise company won't return.
After the break, I went back into ITU to hold my beloved's hand and talk to her. Apparently, she can hear what we are saying and the staff say that hearing familiar voices is good for the patient, who is in a strange place and won't know where they are when they wake up.
I took a coffee break in the late afternoon and returned to Heather again. At 6:30pm, they said they would be washing her, so we took that opportunity to say cheerio for the night and go home.
I returned home to Ashford to collect a few more things and check on Gizmo before returning to Dads in Canterbury so I can be nearby.
I've been convinced to take some Nytol tonight to encourage better sleep and also not to go into the hospital quite so early. I think both families are concerned about my health as well at the moment, especially as I don't seem to be dealing with all this all that well.
To all my friends who read this blog, when I do see you, I'm going to need lots of hugs. All the hugs I get right now really make me feel better.
Thanks also to everyone who has sent their best wishes and cards. I'll make sure Heather gets them as soon as she's back on the wards, when I'll also arrange for friends to visit.
But most of all, thanks to mine and Heather's family for all their support and for looking out for me. Neither Heather, nor I, can get through this without you.
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